Redecorating the living room leads on to discussions of sexual mores, including suspicions that Mike and Rita had premarital sex. They convince Rita's parents that they didn't, but as soon as they leave the room, Mike and Rita begin laughing, leaving this debate open-ended. Else then reminds Alf that he attempted sex with her before they were married. A discussion with Wally the Milkman leads on to a discussion about the existence of God, to which Mike denies His existence. After Alf is left alone to complete the wallpapering, he realises that he has accidentally left the wallpaper strips too short. Later, he pays a local decorator to complete the job while the rest of the family are out. When Else comes back, she then decides she doesn't like the floral pattern she herself chose, and Alf storms out, insisting "I'm going down the pub!" before returning moments later realising he has no more money, having paid the local decorator £8 10s.

• Johnny Speight

• Alfie Bass
• Tony Booth
• Warren Mitchell